In many ways, a person who is indecisive or “on the fence” about any given situation sometimes feels as if it’s easier being there – rather than making a decision. He can stay on the fence for a long time while he makes up his mind or play the field on both sides and wait it out to see which one wins or he factually stops caring.
In light of recent personal events I have come to realize that sitting on the fence is just a basic non-confront and a refusal to take responsibility for oneself.
Here is my story.
About a year ago, I came across Marty Rathbun’s website and online blog. I started reading this on a regular basis (almost daily) and I kept getting more and more into what he was spewing about. Eventually, this lead to me making several postings and feeding them information so that the entire blog could see it. I even spoke to a few of Marty’s “friends” who were trying to convince me to join them on the dark side. I was listening to their natter, Black PR and lies for so long that I finally started to believe they were true. Again, all the while, I was going into the org while still “on the fence.”
I eventually started to talk about and spread the Black PR to some of my other Scientologist friends. We used to talk and natter about whatever Marty had posted on his blog and we would talk about the entheta news stories we saw in the St. Petersburg Times and on CNN. Marty and his friends use these and other pieces of Black PR to try and poison the minds of other Scientologists (or former Scientologists).
The whole purpose of Marty’s website and other websites like it, are to target those specific people who are on the fence, or even people who have just a little ARC break – and pounce on it to their advantage. Marty and his other friends such as Tizziano Lugli, Mike Rinder and Jason Beghe are all looking for people that were like me – so they can “turn” them. They would pretend to be my friend and try to get in comm with me – and all the while they would have me turn against my family and my religion.
Marty also wants to get people who are “on the inside” so he can spy on the Church and its staff members. He is always looking for inside information since he is no longer a member. He will do almost anything he can (even if illegal) to gain insider info about Church activities or data about specific staff members.
If Marty and his friends had their way, they would turn as many Scientologists as they could to create their own little “church” and run it how they see fit.
Not the way LRH said to run it.
Not the way LRH did run it.
But the way they feel is “best.”
Marty has always had the attitude of “my way or the highway” and he defiantly attacks anyone who has even the slightest disagreement with him – even when shown the exact LRH reference which shows he is doing something incorrectly.
This is the purest definition of a Squirrel.
Finally, I had to confront my crimes. I realized that I was on the fence for so long and had listened to these people for so many years that I lost sight of who I was.
In the beginning of my exploring the internet, I always thought I should just talk to someone. I tried to figure out a terminal at the org that I could talk to but I didn’t man up to it. I kept is a secret for fear of “getting busted.”
But now I finally confessed all my overt acts and I am working with an Ethics Officer who is doing NOTHING but helping me. I really thought that I would get into serious trouble and everyone at the org would never want to speak to me again. That is not the case at all. Everyone I am working with has been so helpful and truly wants to help me get my act together again.
My advice to anyone who has seen Marty’s blogs or has questions about some of the things he has said is to TALK to the proper terminal. I can guarantee that you will only be helped, not harmed.
LRH has always said that communication is the universal solvent.
I have never been surer of this fact until now.
If you communicate exactly what you are feeling or what you think, you will feel better and anything can be handled.
– J.J.